It’s day two of my “drunk drivers suck” fund and you guys have raised $1848.84. I honestly can not believe it. Like, you all are fucking with me, right? It’s gonna be like “Psyche! It was Monopoly money all along!” at some point, isn’t it?

I am so incredibly thankful for all the help you guys have given some poor schlub you barely even know who maybe made you laugh once, and it was already a pretty good day, and you were half-thinking about something funny your friend said, too.