The Old Man in the Woods, Part 1: Driving

Good evenin’ to ya! It’s awful late to be wandering around out here alone, ain’t it? Thank all your gods you found my little clearing. I’m happy to have ya until morning. Come on, pull up a seat by the fire. Are ya hungry? I’ve got some tinned beans, but I’m afraid that’s about it. On a very tight budget, if you understand my meaning.

Yeah, I live out here. It’s pretty quiet. You’re the first person I’ve seen out this way in a real long time. How long? Well, I guess I couldn’t really say. I’d have to think about that one.

I don’t recommend you keep wanderin’ out in these woods when it’s dark. Who knows what’s out there at night? No, really, I mean, who does know? I can’t think of anyone, not a single one.

Since we’re going to be here for a few hours, do you mind if I tell you a story? It’s not long, I promise. I’m sure you should get to sleep, but are you actually tired? I bet you’ll find you’re not. No? Then why don’t you just listen for a bit?

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Make Us One!

I got tired of running two separate blogs, so I’m merging everything from ashercantrell.com over to here. I think I’m also going to redesign the site soon, because this shit is looking pretty 2011.

I decided to take a social media vacation in October, so I wasn’t around to peddle my book for Halloween, but now that the holiday season is coming up, I will be periodically reminding you that I am holding your other books for ransom until you read mine and review it on Amazon.

I’ve been lazy this year and haven’t done much writing, but I’m deciding on my next project right now. I may do another short story collection, though I’m also considering a novel, too.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great holiday coming up. It is a day for being fat and lazy. I am referring, of course, to my birthday. Be fat and lazy like me, your friend Asher! It is a fine way to celebrate.

Excellent news

I have reached an agreement with the devil to whom I sold my soul and he’s letting me drop the price of Other Gods for one whole month!

Between now and July 17th, you can purchase nearly 500 short horror stories (13 is nearly 500, relatively speaking) which is like… I dunno, like $.15 a story or something? I don’t feel like doing math right now.

Places to purchase it are on the link above! Please buy it or I will guilt trip you about how my cat died last week. It was very sad.

RIP Biscuit

Do this in remembrance of the Bees Cat.

Animals (Sample story from Other Gods)

This is a sample story from my horror collection, Other Gods, and once you read it, it will magically brainwash you into purchasing my book for only $2.99 from several popular eBook stores! Enjoy!


When Jolene invited me to her stupid costume party, my initial reaction was no fucking way. I wouldn’t know anyone there, and I’d sit there and drink a few beers until I was buzzed and field come-ons from dopey frat boys, then I’d go back to my dorm and sleep until noon.

But I talked to my mom and she pointed out that if I didn’t at least try to make friends at my new school, I never would. Thanks, mom.

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Guess what? Chicken butt! Hah, just kidding. It is much more than that, ye moonhowlers.

I now offer Other Gods in a DRM-free ePub file that you can use on any device that can read those. Hooray! To purchase, just use the PayPal link at the bottom of this page.

Make sure to also read the special instructions to make sure I deliver it to the right place.

Oh, one more thing! Any of you who have followed my writing for a while know that I love Easter eggs, and so I’ve added one to this very site. The first person to find it and email me at weirdshitblog@gmail.com with its location gets a free copy of Other Gods! If you already bought one, you can totally gift it to someone else. Or you can keep it and clutch it tight to your chest until you are nothing left but dust.

More news soon!

Other Gods goes back to full price ($2.99)  after tomorrow! What are you waiting for, you maniacs? Maybe you like to live dangerously, but I am telling that there is precious little time! You might miss out on the opportunity to say “I bought Asher Cantrell’s excellent book of horror stories, and can you believe I only got it for less than a buck? I had $2 left over for McChicken sandwiches.”

I Have Never Seen… Die Hard

If you’ve been following my writing for a while, you might remember a series of articles I did at Film School Rejects called I Have Never Seen… It was all about how I grew up in a household without cable and very few VHS tapes (I spent most of my time playing video games or reading books instead) and so I had never seen a ton of cult classics, or even regular classics, that bunches of other people my age (I’m 33) had seen.

It started with Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, which I hadn’t seen at that point. In fact, I wanted the series to be called I Have Never Seen Indiana Jones, because that was the one that seemed to surprise people the most. However, the editors at FSR made the wise decision to shorten the title and not make it too confusing, like I’d be reviewing an Indiana Jones movie every week.

indiana-jones-not-recast

I thought there were four of them, but I have been told repeatedly that there are only three.

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